Intubate

I guess memories pop up whenever they feel like it. This morning as I was going about my normal morning routine, I could see my dad in my mind’s eye at the emergency room trying to breathe. The scene will always be part of me. It was hard to watch my dad gasping for air.  He was laboring so hard that it made him unable to speak.  The nurse pulled us aside and told us they were going to have to intubate him. She told us to take a moment and tell him we love him. As I stood outside the room, I remember saying, “I Love you, dad.” He didn’t make eye contact with me, so I said it louder as I watched him gasp for air, “I love you, dad.” His eyes meant mine and I could tell he desperately wanted to say the same to me, but I knew he couldn’t. My heart was breaking.

After that very difficult moment, I prayed that it would not be my last memory with my father. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle watching him gasp for air, being my last memory of dad.

Days later, after every option had been exhausted, we made the very difficult decision to take him off life support. My sisters and I were singing to him as they took the breathing tube out. We had been taking turns spending the nights with him, so that night as he still hung onto life, I went home to get some rest as I had been there the night before.

I was very abruptly awoken by The Lord the next morning. I jumped out of bed, brushed my teeth and got dressed. I knew I had to get to the hospital right away.

When I walked in the room, both of my sisters were there. One of my sisters decided to go ahead and leave. In her heart she knew she didn’t want to be there when he passed. My oldest sister and I were there for the very few minutes that remained of my dad’s earthly life.

The nurse told us his breathing was becoming shallower. I found myself talking to dad and praying at the same time. I told him it was ok for him to go to heaven, that Jesus was waiting to greet him. I let him know we all love him, but that we will be ok.  It was a very precious moment I will never forget. I was there the very moment dad went to heaven. I can’t explain it, only through the witness of The Holy Spirit, but I knew He had arrived safely. I knew he was being greeted by angels. I am grateful to God for allowing me to experience such a special moment. I am grateful the first memory I told you about didn’t have to be my last with dad. Thank you, God, for answered prayer.