I Never Thought

Life is full of “I never thought” moments. When I think back on my 18-year-old, idealistic and hopeful self, there are so many things from then ‘til now I never thought would happen.

I never thought I’d find myself in a position of starting over with my 18-month-old son after a divorce.  I never thought my dad would die in 2019, then 8 months later we would be locking the doors of our assisted living facility, telling people they couldn’t see their loved ones. I never thought my father-in-law would die of covid 9 months later. I also never thought I’d feel responsible for other people’s lives or feel blamed for people dying.  I never thought I’d feel demonized by the news media because we own a senior healthcare facility during covid. I never thought I would experience such loneliness.

I never thought

I never dreamed

I never hoped

I never planned

I bet as you read this, you can think of your own “I never thought” moments.

God never had any “I never thought” moments. In fact, He said in Jeremiah 29:11…

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. (NKJV)  Another version of Jeremiah 29:11 says for I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (NIV)

Wow. My 18-year-old self looks at this scripture with hopeful anticipation of peace and prosperity ahead. My 53-year-old self sees what God says 3 verses later… “and I will bring you back from captivity.”

He would never say he was going to bring us back from captivity if we were never going to be in captivity (captured against our will or held in confinement) Imprisoned, jailed, arrested, trapped like there’s no way out

Jesus tells us that in this world we will have trouble, but He goes on to say…     “But take heart, I have overcome the world.”

This scripture is such a great reminder as I think about what exactly Jesus overcame. He overcame the loneliness of Gethsemane as he continued to remind Peter, James, and John to remain awake and stand guard as He was praying in agony over what was ahead.

• The people who he counted on the most were sleeping
• The people who knew Him better than anyone else were sleeping
• The people who said they loved him and would do anything for Him were sleeping.
• He was about to go through what no one went through before or since and they were sleeping.

I don’t know about you, but the loneliness Jesus must have felt in the garden may have been worse than everything that happened next.

He was betrayed Judas, denied by Peter, rejected, bruised, beaten, laughed at, and humiliated. He carried the weight of the cross, nails pierced His hands and He wore a crown of thorns.

Before Jesus breathed His last breath, I’m reminded of a few words He said just before His death. These words are found in only one of 4 gospels, yet they may be the most important words He ever spoke. “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Forgive everyone who had anything to do with me ending up on a cross. Forgive Peter, forgive Judas, forgive everyone who whipped me. Forgive those who “slept” while I suffered alone. Forgive them all.

Everything was accomplished with those words… “Father, forgive them.”

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. 16:33a  But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33